Now, let’s look at some ideas for gaining or expressing empathy, in a written communication context. It’s a relatively common tactic, one in which we try to identify with the thoughts, feelings, or attitudes of the person we’re writing to, or trying to get them to identify with us.

One of the most memorable moments in my brief career as a life insurance salesperson came when I watched a very good salesperson use empathy to not only defuse a hostile prospect, but also sell her a new policy.

His technique was quite simple. As she ranted and railed at what someone else in his company had done, he said over and over again, “I understand.” Not once did he argue or make excuses. He just kept taking the hits and saying, “I understand.” And, in relatively short order, he used the empathy factor to convert the lady into a friend — and client.

We can use empathy in the same way when we write. Suppose you get an angry message from a client or customer. Rather than defend yourself or correct the client, you discuss only the client’s feelings and beliefs. So, your response might start this way, “I understand how disappointed you must be that the widget didn’t work, and I’m sorry you’ve had such difficulty.”

Now, when the client gets your letter, or email message she won’t instinctively bristle; she’ll be prepared to read the rest of the letter with a relatively open mind.

Follow up, depending on the situation, with questions or new information that might help solve the problem. If it’s a common problem, then restate the instructions in a different way or in more detail. If it’s a new problem, then you’ll have to ask some questions. It doesn’t really matter which one you choose, as long as you’re making a sincere effort to help. Wrap up your letter or message with another measure of empathy, such as, “Again, I’m very sorry for your trouble, and I hope [whatever you wrote in the body of the letter] solves the problem or gets us closer to a solution. And, please don’t hesitate to get in touch again if necessary.”

I use this kind of approach when customers are concerned because they had trouble downloading a book from my website, and it works, consistently. In addition, I’ve also received many thank-you messages as a result.

In summary, use your natural instincts for empathy when it’s needed in your business writing. It can be a power tool for better business communication.

By Robert Abbott
After consultations with others in an organization I represent, I made a partnership pitch to another organization with similar interests. If the idea comes to fruition, it will radically change our organization.

So, you can imagine my impatience when I didn’t hear back from the person to whom I’d made the proposal. She had welcomed the idea, but a decision would be made by a council within her organization.

Given the dynamics of an important decision about the future of their organization, I didn’t expect a quick decision. But, I would have liked at least a report saying that the council had accepted, rejected, or was still under considering the idea.

Then, I had a “Eureka” or maybe I should call it a “Whoops” moment. I realized I hadn’t reported back to the people in my organization either. That made me guilty of the same lapse of communication as the lady in the other organization. With that recognition, I made amends by sending out an email to the others in my organization, and followed up with a report at a meeting.

In taking an analytical view of this incident, I realized that nothing can be something when it comes to communication.

The idea that nothing can be something seems counter-intuitive. But, remember the famous Sherlock Holmes observation about the dog that didn’t bark (the fictitious detective solved a baffling case by noting what did not happen, rather than what did happen).

You can probably come up with several ideas about the importance of communicating, even though nothing has changed. That’s especially true if you’re the one who didn’t hear from someone else.

First, you may have made plans that assume either a change or a continuation of the status quo. Perhaps you’re holding off on holiday plans until the issue is resolved one way or the other.

Second, at least you know that an anticipated decision or event hasn’t yet occurred, and that you didn’t miss something (for example, as I write this I’m waiting for a client to confirm some information and it would be nice to know that I haven’t missed a callback or an emailed reply).

Third, if you’ve received an update telling you nothing has happened, you don’t need to contact that person and ask if there have been any developments. Similarly, you can advise the people who look to you for information.

One other note about the nothing can be something idea: It might be called a variation on what I’ve called the Everybody Knows syndrome. That refers to a failure to communicate, based on the assumption that others know what I know. For example, I don’t tell anyone that the office will be closed between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day because I think everyone should know that.

When you write, do you consider the environment in which the words and message will be read?

For example, if you’re writing a memo to people working on a factory floor, you’ll probably have one approach. On the other hand, if those people are administrative colleagues working in offices you’ll probably take another approach.
Think, too, about the differences in lighting. High gloss paper may look good, but it may cause sore eyes in brightly lit offices, and sore eyes obviously mean the document won’t get as much attention as one that doesn’t bother readers’ eyes.
Of course, we also have to be conscious of the differences between email and printed letters. Recipients generally treat email as disposable, but written letters as permanent records. That may not be your view, but it may be commonly held among those with whom you communicate.

By: Robert F. Abbott
As I came out of the car wash yesterday, I appreciated, again, the countdown clock that told me how many seconds remained before the vacuum stopped.

And, I was struck by the feeling of control it gave me. In other car washes, I had to guess at how slowly I should move  through vacuum that sucked away the water left after the wash. But with this one, I knew how much time remained, and roughly how much of my car had been done.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could do this in many other realms of life where we, our customers, our employees, and other important people face uncertainty.

Not every system of this type makes the grade, though. What about going somewhere for service and being asked to take a number. Then, when your big moment arrives, you’re greeted by “Now serving number 31.” That kind of system tells you very clearly that you’re not in control — instead it tells you that the people providing the service control you.

To communicate to others a sense of where they stand, at any given point along a process, we need to think about increments. In other words, break up a process into a series of steps in a sequence, and make each point in that sequence an end in itself.

When I go through the timer in the car wash, I know that my car should be about a third of the way through the drying sequence when the clock has counted down from 90 seconds to 60 seconds. Roughly speaking that means the windshield should be under the vacuum. And, when the clock has counted down to 30, my rear window should be under the vacuum.

What do you tell someone who has to wait for your company to backorder a product? What do you say to the library patron who has requested a book through an inter-library loan?

If we communicate with information about the steps or increments, we help our stakeholders feel in control. And by giving them that sense of control, we’ll make them satisfied stakeholders.

APPLICATIONS
“Here’s what will happen….”
We can’t always provide countdowns or other play-by-play reports on what is happening.

But, perhaps we can do something almost as good. That is to let others know what will happen. For example, on the website for my book, I used to explain the process that would unfold after clicking the ‘Buy now’ button. And, I did it for a specific reason; about 80% of visitors to the website had never bought a book online before. I lost that part in a recent site upgrade, and should put it back again (if I could only find the time).

Anytime you put a stakeholder into a position of uncertainty, you can make her feel better by letting her know what will happen. Ever get inside the door of a restaurant and wonder if you should seat yourself of wait for a hostess? That’s uncertainty.

So, what do you tell an employee who’s launched an objection to something in his performance review? Do you say, “Don’t worry, it’s being handled?” or do you say, “It’s now on the desk of my boss, and she promises to report back to you and me by next Tuesday?” For the person who objected, the latter explanation offers far more comfort.

And how about meetings? Do you go to meetings where uncertainty exists about purposes and processes? As you know, a good written agenda, coupled with a brief discussion about the agenda at the top of the meeting, will eliminate a lot of that uncertainty.

You can find many ways to reduce uncertainty for others, by anticipating their discomfort and explaining what will happen. It’s good for them and for you too because you’ll spend less time fielding unnecessary questions and pointing out the way ahead.

A Business Communication Article

The need to get people in an organization to pull together comes out often in discussions about communication. And, it came up a number of times in the comments you (collectively) sent when you responded to my survey in September.

Let’s think of it as getting consensus, to roll a bunch of similar issues into one ball. Further, let’s think of getting to consensus as a process.

We start the process by analyzing the current situation — how far from consensus do we now stand? Do we have embittered, untrusting people in the group? Or are we at the other end of the spectrum, with everyone nearly in agreement?

We’ll call this the diagnostic stage.That means we have to listen, rather than talk. Sure, we’re probably anxious to get going and want to convert them to our way of thinking right away. But, before that we need to let them talk, and we need to hear them.

That means our listening has to be real and focused. No preparing responses or rebuttals while the other person speaks, just listening and absorbing what they say, both explicitly and implicitly (through body language, for example).

After we complete our diagnosis, we get our turn to talk or otherwise communicate. If the people with whom we want consensus are generally hostile or unwilling to listen, we’ll either need to be very patient or prepared to shock them.

Shocking means challenging, confronting their assumptions and the status quo. On the other hand, if everyone pretty much agrees with us already, we’ll approach them much more softly. In other words, we won’t rock the boat much.

A key ingredient of our communication will be to explain what’s in it for them. Obviously, we see the benefits of consensus, for ourselves and for them. But, do they see the beneficial consequences?

Let’s lay out the advantages and the disadvantages for them clearly. And, yes, tell them about the disadvantages as well as the advantages. By doing so, we’ll increase our credibility. What’s more, we might even learn something by writing the advantages on one side of a page and the disadvantages on the other.

After we’ve made our case, we’ll try to stimulate feedback. Try to get a sense of how our message was received and what response it got. Did they respond the way we expected? Did a consensus begin to emerge?

If not, we need to start the process over again, with a new diagnosis. And, we’ll basically reiterate the process. But, this time, put even more time into, and emphasis on, their assumptions and expectations. If the process doesn’t work, it’s because they didn’t find enough benefits in our earlier communication.

In the end, consensus is always about them.

There’s nothing like a story to add impact to your presentation or speech, and especially if it’s a story of your own.

I’m thinking about the distinction between a story based on something that you did or something that happened to you, versus a story that revolves around someone else.

You’ll find several advantages to telling your own stories, even if they seem modest compared to the stories of others.

First, when you tell you own story, you don’t have memorize as much. After all, you know how the story began, developed, and concluded. You don’t have to worry as much about the details, because they’ll come to you as you speak.

Second, telling your own stories involves a sincerity that you won’t achieve by telling someone else’s story that you read in a magazine. You may not be able to tell the difference, but listeners will. First hand accounts almost always trump second hand accounts.

Third, you have more discretion in shaping your stories to fit a larger theme or framework. Perhaps you’ll talk about a camping trip to illustrate the importance of always being prepared. In this case, you can pick and choose from among the details so you have set the context for the moral of the story.

And, if you feel there just aren’t enough good stories in your personal experience, then spend a few minutes watching Seinfeld, the ultimate expression of making mountains out of life’s little molehills.