Now, let’s look at some ideas for gaining or expressing empathy, in a written communication context. It’s a relatively common tactic, one in which we try to identify with the thoughts, feelings, or attitudes of the person we’re writing to, or trying to get them to identify with us.

One of the most memorable moments in my brief career as a life insurance salesperson came when I watched a very good salesperson use empathy to not only defuse a hostile prospect, but also sell her a new policy.

His technique was quite simple. As she ranted and railed at what someone else in his company had done, he said over and over again, “I understand.” Not once did he argue or make excuses. He just kept taking the hits and saying, “I understand.” And, in relatively short order, he used the empathy factor to convert the lady into a friend — and client.

We can use empathy in the same way when we write. Suppose you get an angry message from a client or customer. Rather than defend yourself or correct the client, you discuss only the client’s feelings and beliefs. So, your response might start this way, “I understand how disappointed you must be that the widget didn’t work, and I’m sorry you’ve had such difficulty.”

Now, when the client gets your letter, or email message she won’t instinctively bristle; she’ll be prepared to read the rest of the letter with a relatively open mind.

Follow up, depending on the situation, with questions or new information that might help solve the problem. If it’s a common problem, then restate the instructions in a different way or in more detail. If it’s a new problem, then you’ll have to ask some questions. It doesn’t really matter which one you choose, as long as you’re making a sincere effort to help. Wrap up your letter or message with another measure of empathy, such as, “Again, I’m very sorry for your trouble, and I hope [whatever you wrote in the body of the letter] solves the problem or gets us closer to a solution. And, please don’t hesitate to get in touch again if necessary.”

I use this kind of approach when customers are concerned because they had trouble downloading a book from my website, and it works, consistently. In addition, I’ve also received many thank-you messages as a result.

In summary, use your natural instincts for empathy when it’s needed in your business writing. It can be a power tool for better business communication.